11/10/06 Words can't describe how much I miss you. I miss your "E-boys", your laughter, your smile and even you being grumpy with me because I forgot part of your candy. I wish more than anything you were still here with me, but I know if you were here you would still be in that terrible pain. I know you know that I was always with you. I tried everything I knew to keep you with me. But that last month, I couldn't let you suffer anymore and I felt I was just having the doctors keeping you going for me. I finally knew I had to let go and let you be peaceful finally. When I agreed to the hospice I want and need you to know that I never wanted to let you go. In the hospital, they couldn't give you any more medicine for all the pain except at certain times. Then you couldn't eat or drink anymore. I did this for three weeks. I thought the chemo was working. I don't understand why all of a sudden it stopped and you got so ill. It was so hard for me to watch you leave with the angels. But I now know I was very blessed to be there and get to hold you during the last breath. Some people don't get the chance to say goodbye and I did. Everyone told me I did the right thing by going on hospice because it was then all about keeping you comfortable and without pain. Please know I did not give up on you. Please. I look at the stars every night and I know you're up there lighting up the sky. I know you're dancing and singing with the angels now. You were always such a free spirit and now you are finally free from all the pain. Just know that I love you now and forever and I miss you so much. All my love, Cheri